


He cries.

by destielgivesmethefeels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel Dies, Castiel/Dean Winchester Angst, Destiel Angst, First Kiss, Guilt, Human Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, destiel ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 08:09:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7306882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielgivesmethefeels/pseuds/destielgivesmethefeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be an easy hunt, but what it has turned out to be is beyond what any of them would have ever expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He cries.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. So this is my third work. I hope that it is better than the previous one. Please tell me if there is anything wrong with it

The amazing art work belongs to the talented http://prettyoddchild.tumblr.com/

“No, no, no. No!” Dean chants repeatedly, as though if he said it enough, this wouldn’t be happening. In fact, he prays to God this isn’t really happening. Behind him, Sam stands solemnly, too shocked to even move a finger, his eyes keep darting between his brother and the blood soaked form of the ex-angel now wrapped securely in Dean’s embrace.

It was supposed to be an easy hunt, it was supposed to be just another mediocre demon’s possession that Dean and Sam would take care of within a day. It was what they thought when they read about the case on the newspaper. But what it has turned out to be is beyond what any of them would have ever expected.

When they were about to leave, Cas insisted that he joined them on the hunt, saying it would make him feel less of a pile of uselessness and more of an human being, something that he had recently become, through no choice of his own. At his request, Dean flat out refused.

“No, you’re not going anywhere. You stay here, in the bunker and watch after everything in here. Anyway, you will only slow us down if you come.” Dean deadpanned with a faint tone of anger.

It may have sounded a bit careless and insensitive of Dean, but Sam could see through that cold, emotionless façade of his brother. He knew that worried would be a severe understatement as to what Dean was feeling. He was scared to death for the safety of Cas. With his power gone, Cas was ever so vulnerable and Dean would never forgive himself if Cas got hurt. Because, hard as he tried to hide it, Sam understood that, to Dean, Cas meant so much more than just a friend, so much more than just a brother. Although Dean would never admit it even if it killed him, Sam understood.

Of course, Cas didn’t back down. He may have lost his grace, but certainly not his stubbornness. Glaring angrily at each other, the two got in a much heated argument before Cas eventually won and Dean had recourse to the silent treatment.

The trip to the sight was completely silent but for the sound of Sam trying to muffle his giggles as he found the situation rather amusing. These two idiots cared so deeply for each other and they didn’t even know it. However, when they arrived at the abandoned warehouse, the car was quiet for a whole other reason. This hunt was going to be much more serious than they had thought. The air was thick enough to cut with a knife as they took a look around the building and discovered there were at least four or five demons guarding the place.

“Ok, here’s the plan.” Dean broke the quietness. “ Sammy and I are gonna go in and mow these sons of bitches down. And Cas, you stay in the car and get help if things get ugly”

“No! I’m coming with you.” Cas unequivocally stated, fire flaring in his eyes.

“That’s an order, Cas. There’s no time to fool around. Without your angel mojo, you are practically a baby in a trench coat. You could easily get hurt or even killed.” Dean barked back acrimoniously.

“I don’t care. I’m going in with you. And that’s final.” Cas countered, voice filled with unparalleled anger.

And thus, another staring match ensued. Sam would have been laughing hysterically if they hadn’t been charging into a nest full of black-eyed bastards. Inevitably, Dean gave in and agreed to let Cas tag along so long as he stayed behind Sam and him. Notwithstanding, uncertainty still plastered blatantly across his freckled face.

They broke through the demon blockade in the front without a hitch, but what was waiting inside overwhelmed them. There were at least fifteen demons waiting for them, knives in hand, ready to kill anything that moved. Of course, it wasn’t going to be that easy. Dean, of all people, should know that. But it still managed to plant a seed of unease in Dean’s stomach, for now it wasn’t only Sam who he had to worry about. Cas was also here, and Dean couldn’t stand the idea of him getting hurt, let alone … No, he was not going to allow anything get close enough to even touch a hair on his perpetually tousled head.

Two demons soon lunged themselves at Dean simultaneously. In a swift movement, Dean dodged their attack. He quickly defeated one by jabbing him in the back with the demon blade. The other demon went to retaliate with a kitchen knife, but Dean caught his hand, merely inches from his own face. He brought the bastard’s arm down to where his knee was hanging mid-air and listened to the chilling crack as the bones snapped like a dry twig. He then thrust the blade into the demon’s chest to put it out of its misery. As soon as the body fell to the floor, another demon jumped on Dean’s back, arms locked tightly around his throat, cutting off his air supply. But Dean had been in this kind of situation enough time not to get agitated. He calmly located the nearest wall, and slammed the jerk against it, causing him to wheeze out in pain before Dean ended his existence.

Dean looked over to where Sam and Cas were and saw that they were effectively defending themselves from the onslaught of the demons, which put him a bit at ease. He didn’t have much time to be complacent though, as another three demons were surging towards him at incredible speed.

The hectic fight lasted for an uncomfortably long time. Fortunately, none of them was seriously wounded, except for a few cuts and bruises that would probably heal after a few days.

“Told you I could handle myself.” Cas said somewhat smugly, clearly proud of himself.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Dean frowned in false annoyance, but relief was clearly visible on his features.

Sam only smirked at the exchange between the two dorks before him.

Equanimity didn’t prevail for long.

 All of a sudden, Cas let out a surprised gasp and blood started to seep through the white dress shirt that he wore under his trench coat. To Dean’s horror, he could see the pointy metal head of the knife which had pierced through Cas’ flesh, right where his heart was. Behind him, stood, or rather slouched, a demon that Dean could have sworn he had killed.

“Cas!” Both of the Winchesters called out, evidently in a state of sheer shock.

Before Sam could register what was going on, Dean was already across the room, furiously pushed the demon away from Cas and stabbed him in the heart. Dean didn’t linger, he didn’t waste another second on the damned creature and turned around to catch Cas, helping him lie down on the cold hard ground.

All of that has lead to the heart-rending scene that is now unraveling.

“No, no, no. No!” Dean chants repeatedly, as though if he said it enough, this wouldn’t be happening. In fact, he prays to God this isn’t really happening. Behind him, Sam stands solemnly, too shocked to even move a finger, his eyes keep darting between his brother and the blood soaked form of the ex-angel now wrapped securely in Dean’s embrace.

“No, Cas. Cas! Castiel! Look at me. Stay with me, alright? Stay with me. Please!” Dean fusses worriedly, his voice strained and incessantly breaking

“Dean…” Cas whispers softly, almost inaudible. His emerald blue eyes is starting to lose their brilliance, yet they still shine brighter than the stars above that Dean sees whenever he takes a walk with Cas outside the bunker on nights that Cas is too restless to sleep.

“Yes, Cas? I’m here. I’m right here.” Dean manages to answers while struggling to swallow the tears which are starting to form at the corners of his eyes.

“Dean…” Cas repeats, a small smile making its way to his lips. With all the strength that he can muster, Cas reaches up to touch Dean’s stubbled cheeks. His long and elegant fingers grazing gingerly over every feature, as though trying to memorize them all before his time is up.

Cas loves Dean’s eyes. They glister a shade of green that any tree would envy and are invariably ablaze with a sense of determination. But now they are watery. Why is he crying? Dean shouldn’t be crying. No, Dean should always be smiling.

Cas loves Dean’s freckles. They -174 to be exact, he’s counted-  cover the entirety of his nose and cheek bones. But now they are hard to see because Dean’s face has reddened. Is he angry? Did he do something to anger Dean? He hopes not.

Cas loves Dean’s lips. They are, as cheesy as it sounds, dreamy and bowlike,  painted with an inviting coral hue. But now they are  trembling. Why are they trembling? He wants to stop it. Maybe, by kissing him. Cas has always wanted to know how that feel.

“Cas, I’m sorry.” Dean begins, struggling to keep his voice steady. “I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier. I’m sorry I dragged you into this mess. I’m sorry I let that demon hurt you. I’m so s-”

“Kiss me.” Cas interrupts.

“Wh-what?” Dean inquires, baffled.

“Kiss me, Dean… Please…” Cas insists.

Hesitating for only a brief moment, Dean slowly leans in, stopping when their foreheads meet. He stays like that for a while longer, taking in the appearance of the ex-angel. Even like this, Cas still looks unbelievably beautiful. His long black lashes serve to highlight the enthralling blue orbs hidden behind hooded eyelids. His sun kissed skin is perfect without any mark to blemish the complexion. And his lips. Oh, his lips. Dean wants, no, he yearns for a chance to feel them against his own. And that’s exactly what he is doing.

Cas’ lips are soft, softer than Dean could ever imagine them to be. It is as if two sheets of delicate blush silk are tickling his chapped lips. Tentatively, Dean allows himself to move his tongue to meet Cas’ velvety one in his agape mouth. Cas tastes and feels heavenly, so sweet, like apple pie infused with minty chocolate. They tenderly move together. Dean’s hand finds its way into Cas’ ruffled hair, his fingers running through the soft locks. Careful not to stir Cas’ blood oozing wound, Dean pulls him closer into the kiss, encasing his cooling body in the heat of his own.

As Dean pulls away, the tingling sensation lingers like a ghost on his lips. All of  a sudden, it all comes crashing down on Dean. This is their first and probably last kiss. Dean wants to kiss Cas  a second, a third and so many more times but he has lost the chance. And he hates himself for that. He shouldn’t have hesitated all this long. He shouldn’t have tried to block out Cas and push back his feelings. He should have told Cas how he felt. He should have held Cas every chance he got to let him know that he is loved, at least by him. He should have made Cas laugh with his lame joke, not glower with his ridiculous orders. He should have done all of that. But he didn’t. And he will never find it in him to forgive himself for that. Even when he does, he won’t.

It hits Dean so hard that a tear the he has been trying to suppress rolls down his cheeks. Before it falls off Dean’s face, Cas weakly raises his fingers to wipe it away. Not long ago his fingers were warm but now they are sickly white and cold against Dean’s skin. Still, Dean finds himself leaning into the touch, savouring every second of the contact.

“Please, Dean… Don’t cry.” Cas murmurs, knowing well what Dean is thinking. “Please don’t blame yourself for what has happened. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should have stayed behind. I did this to myself. Not you. Dean, please look at me.”

But he is far too ashamed, far too consumed by guilt to look into those pair of ocean blue.

“Please…” Cas whispers. The almost pleading tone urges Dean to risks opening his tear filled eyes, only to be met with the ex-angel’s teary ones.

“No word can properly express how grateful I am to have been granted the privilege of knowing you, knowing your soul, Dean. Although our time together has been brief, and unexpectedly cut short, it is not something that I could ever forget. You have shown me so much more than heaven or hell could ever teach me. And for that, I am forever indebted to you. So please, don’t you dare ever think you haven’t done anything for me… Thank you… For everything…”

With that, Cas lets out a last breath, leaving this pain plagued world. His eyes finally glaze over and ceases to shine. His lips stop mid-way, never to meet again. They slightly curve upwards in a small smile, which now will last for an eternity.

“No. Please…No.” Dean shakes Cas vigorously in a desperate attempt to see him breathing again. “Cas, wake up. I haven’t told you yet. Please, wake up, Cas. Please open your eyes and look at me. I need to tell you how I feel. Don’t leave me. Please don’t. Stay with me. Even just for a bit longer. Don’t leave just yet. We need you here with us… **_I need you_** … **_I love you_**.”

Dean pulls Cas’ lifeless form even closer to him, if that is possible. He  clings onto him as if  Cas is the anchor of his sanity, the only reason why his life is not a meaningless heap of bullets, knives and blood, the only reason he wakes up in the morning and pushes himself to go on. And now he is gone.

“ **NO!** ” Dean bellows. His pained scream resonates throughout, rendering the world silent.

Heaven is quiet. The angels has stopped their singing, for they mourn the passing of their fallen brother.

Hell is quiet.  The demons has stopped their manic laughs, for they fear the wrath with which the Righteous Man will strike down on them.

Dean is quiet. Not for the grief that now occupies his entire being. Not for the rage bubbling inside him. He is quiet for the emptiness. The only person he has ever learned to love, a part of his soul, a part of who he is, his **_angel,_** has been taken away, yanked mercilessly out of his grasp.

Dean can feel tears streaming down his face in two burning streaks. Normally, by now, he would have wiped them away and denied their existence. But he doesn’t seem to care any longer. Stone by stone, brick by brick, the tsunami of emotions is taking down the barricade that he has spent years to build. Head resting on Cas’, Dean sobs miserably, arms enveloping his late love in a needy embrace. Each sob is a low blow to his wrenching guts, a stab to his already crumbling heart. He is breaking apart. And this time Cas wouldn’t be there to pick up the pieces and put him back together. So he doesn’t stop the tears. He lets them fall, lets them wash away the agony somehow

He cries.

 


End file.
